I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
