as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
