You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
