I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
