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why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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