Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
