No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
