My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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