forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
