How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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