when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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