Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
