Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
