hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
