some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
