Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
