You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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