yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
