I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did I show you my penis last night?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
