It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
