I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
