Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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