just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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