just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
