I want to stick my p in your. b.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
