i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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