I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
