this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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