Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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