Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize