well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
