I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
