Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
And then he peed in my hair
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