38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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