tell your sister to shave her snatch
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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