its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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