I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
wow bdsm is so cute
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