So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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