worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
