I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
