Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
