Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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