I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
