i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
