They should really pass out barf bags in church
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize