she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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