i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize