I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
