he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
