Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
