someone owes me an orgasm
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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