this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
