Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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