Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
