paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
