i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
