I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
