We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
