omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
