put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
