i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
