I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
