All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
