Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
