census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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