Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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