Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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