i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
