I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
