im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
