i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
