Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
