We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
