I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
