I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
