I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
