You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
