It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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