If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
