I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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