The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
