Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
