Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
