I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
