Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
