Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
