I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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