I wish I only lived at night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
