Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
