i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
