Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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