you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
