five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
