One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
