I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
