the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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