i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
