He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
