My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
