also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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