I didn't shave. On purpose
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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