I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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