he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
