Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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