sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm at about main and main street
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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