she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
