We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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