Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
