the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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