Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
