I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
