The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
