I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
