Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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