Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize